As I reflect on my goals and achievements being retired, I see that I can’t evaluate my life the in the same way. Now my goals are not so much in the doing, but in the fun of living and being there for those I love. It is in our health and our energy and desire to continue on this path. What is this path? It involves freedom and relaxation, but of a different kind. Freedom always meant to me that I could do what I wanted, now I also want a freedom to do what others want of me, some of the time anyway. I still need a freedom to be who and what I want to be and to become. I see that I continue to change and become in ways that I never saw for me. Well, that is not so different from what everyone else wants...
What about relaxation? By this, I mean, relaxation from stress and conflict. But, isn’t that also what most people want? I used to embrace stress and used it to accomplish more. Now, I hide from stress and get grouchy, when it interferes with my plans. Before, I used to think of relaxation as the time that I would sit and do nothing - like on the beach or to read a book in the middle of the day. Now, I want to do everything relaxed - not hurry - or with a deadline. I used to like the pressure of having to do too much. Now I’m finally learning that I can relax in my half-finished projects because I don’t have to put a deadline on them and can just let them sit there “para mañana." But it's not easy; a part of me still craves to work on them and to be able to finish any one of them now! I think Yoga has helped me with this because at these times I catch myself breathing deeply :)
Now, living a RELAXED, STRESS-FREE LIFE does not mean I want to live a SLOW LIFE. I want my days to be full and busy, I feel lost if I am not focused, or if I just wait to see what the day will bring. I have always been a doer and want my life to flow. Maybe I haven’t changed so much, only now that I am retired, I am able to do more, yet not everything - because I know that “everything" will never get done. I don’t know if that is the same for everyone, it’s not something that people talk about. Do others have these same conflicts?
I never did write New Year's Resolutions for 2014… because that was always just one more thing to plan for and do, so even in April, I say, NOT YET!