Being Responsible and Making a List!

Spanish Moss blowing freely in the wind

 I love the freedom of having chosen to not be working a job.  I don't feel entitled and I don't take it for granted.  I realize that this is another season of my life and I have a responsibility to make it worth something.  It has been 9 months now since I have been "to work", kind of like enjoying a gestation period.  But, I'm glad that I'm not going to be losing sleep with a new baby...  Oh sweet memories of those days and raising 3 children!  And, I must add, I am so happy to be sharing their parenthood with our wonderful grandchildren...

Andrew and Lauren:  Brother - Sister Love!!!

 But I regress from the theme of today's post.  I am reflecting on how I "fill" my days since the title of my blog is "Filled with Retirement."  When do I feel most fulfilled?  I think it is when I am doing "my thing"  whatever that is at that moment.  It must be because for so many years "my thing" was always last on my list.  It seemed like I was always busy doing things that I had to do for my job or for others.  I am still doing some of that (like housework), but I think that when I look at things that I do as a choice, they are more easily fulfilling while I am doing them instead of feeling fulfilled when those things are completed.  Is that hard to follow?  I don't get so stressed out when things don't go as planned and am trying not to be in control so much.

Durham just discovered real food!

I still make lists for myself.  And even if they are different now, I sometimes still find myself somehow bound by the list as if it is a set of laws or rules that I must follow. Then I remind myself that I am retired and I have time for everything.

When you are little you are always busy.  Caroline doesn't need a list!

My niece, Faith, writes in today's blog, The Life of Faith  about what it is like to work full time.  She is feeling the stress of fulling all her roles the best that she can.  I remember those days, of wanting to do it all and for God's glory!  I have no doubt that she will find a way!

Here is a poem that I wrote a long time ago when I was feeling like Faith!

Too much to do…

Lord I’m afraid of making the list

Afraid I’ll get lost in the doing

Of the that and the this

Not so bad!

I can do this today!

If I don’t waste time

There’ll be time for some play

Lord, You give me no answers

only a sense of peace

when I take time to seek you

I see an organized scheme

With You I can do this

My time is in Your hands

You are in control now

Your will is my command

All this time writing

     I’ve wasted an hour

  --- No!

I’ve just been renewed in

God’s wisdom and power

Your patience and power

Are all I need

To do all the things

I have put on my list

 Bea Skeens, 3/18/00

New Year Resolution I - LISTS ON THE BEACH - poem

LISTS!  I've always had a list.  Here is a poem that I wrote in the 90's after a walk on the beach:

                The Beach and I   

by Bea Skeens (in the 1990’s)

I found that I could steal away

An hour from my busy day

And so I called some friends to see

If they could go walk on the beach with me

But they all had other plans or were not home,

I set off alone.

My mind was full of things I have been doing…

Planning and preparing others, even brooding.

Then startled from my thoughts I was

When a wave hit the sand with a foamy splash.

I looked around me at the serene sea,

The seagulls free

The children laughing gaily,

The grownups sunning

Some others running,

Many walking.

As I resumed my steady stride

Scattered thoughts invade my mind.

And with a wave that hit the sand came

Peaceful thoughts of God’s glorious plan.

The sun was shining brightly,

The breeze blowing so slightly,

And I became absorbed by the Might and Glory

Of my God revealed so rightly.

And I began to praise and thank Him

For the abundant love and constancy

With which He fills and guides me.

The beach and You are what I need

    To feel refreshed and be fulfilled.

The ocean’s calming waves… A prayer that saves

The sheltering dunes… A praising tune;

The endless sky… My spirit revived;

The birds that soar… I long for more!

No room for fear, You’re always near.

Your purpose in all things is clear.

I want to meditate on you and seek Your Rest

As soon as I get home I’ll make a list.

 

 Lists have always been a big part of my life.  So when I retired, I thought, now my list won't be a burden!  I'll be able to relax and do those things that I need to do.  Well, that has not been the case in the 7 months since my retirement.  Few of the big things on my list have been completed.  Oh, I have written lots of small lists and have enjoyed scratching off lots of things.  I do feel a sense of accomplishment and peace at being retired.  I have had fun with the kids, tried new recipes, and made lots of crafty things.  But I continue to say "later" to some of the big things and transferring them to the new list.  No big deal.  There is no hurry to clean out file drawers or closets or to transfer my VHS videos to DVD.  Maybe they'll get done in 2012. (Resolutions are coming...)