What about the "doer" who is retired?

As I reflect on my goals and achievements being retired, I see that I can’t evaluate my life the in the same way.  Now my goals are not so much in the doing, but in the fun of living and being there for those I love.  It is in our health and our energy and desire to continue on this path.  What is this path?  It involves freedom and relaxation, but of a different kind.  Freedom always meant to me that I could do what I wanted, now I also want a freedom to do what others want of me, some of the time anyway.  I still need a freedom to be who and what I want to be and to become.  I see that I continue to change and become in ways that I never saw for me.  Well, that is not so different from what everyone else wants...

What about relaxation?  By this, I mean, relaxation from stress and conflict.  But, isn’t that also what most people want?  I used to embrace stress and used it to accomplish more.  Now, I hide from stress and get grouchy, when it interferes with my plans.  Before, I used to think of relaxation as the time that I would sit and do nothing - like on the beach or to read a book in the middle of the day.  Now, I want to do everything relaxed - not hurry - or with a deadline.  I used to like the pressure of having to do too much.  Now I’m finally learning that I can relax in my half-finished projects because I don’t have to put a deadline on them and can just let them sit there “para mañana."  But it's not easy; a part of me still craves to work on them and to be able to finish any one of them now!  I think Yoga has helped me with this because at these times I catch myself breathing deeply :) 

Now, living a RELAXED, STRESS-FREE LIFE does not mean I want to live a SLOW LIFE.  I want my days to be full and busy, I feel lost if I am not focused, or if I just wait to see what the day will bring.  I have always been a doer and want my life to flow.  Maybe I haven’t changed so much, only now that I am retired, I am able to do more, yet not everything - because I know that “everything" will never get done.  I don’t know if that is the same for everyone, it’s not something that people talk about.  Do others have these same conflicts?  

I never did write New Year's Resolutions for 2014…  because that was always just one more thing to plan for and do, so even in April, I say, NOT YET!

Being Responsible and Making a List!

Spanish Moss blowing freely in the wind

 I love the freedom of having chosen to not be working a job.  I don't feel entitled and I don't take it for granted.  I realize that this is another season of my life and I have a responsibility to make it worth something.  It has been 9 months now since I have been "to work", kind of like enjoying a gestation period.  But, I'm glad that I'm not going to be losing sleep with a new baby...  Oh sweet memories of those days and raising 3 children!  And, I must add, I am so happy to be sharing their parenthood with our wonderful grandchildren...

Andrew and Lauren:  Brother - Sister Love!!!

 But I regress from the theme of today's post.  I am reflecting on how I "fill" my days since the title of my blog is "Filled with Retirement."  When do I feel most fulfilled?  I think it is when I am doing "my thing"  whatever that is at that moment.  It must be because for so many years "my thing" was always last on my list.  It seemed like I was always busy doing things that I had to do for my job or for others.  I am still doing some of that (like housework), but I think that when I look at things that I do as a choice, they are more easily fulfilling while I am doing them instead of feeling fulfilled when those things are completed.  Is that hard to follow?  I don't get so stressed out when things don't go as planned and am trying not to be in control so much.

Durham just discovered real food!

I still make lists for myself.  And even if they are different now, I sometimes still find myself somehow bound by the list as if it is a set of laws or rules that I must follow. Then I remind myself that I am retired and I have time for everything.

When you are little you are always busy.  Caroline doesn't need a list!

My niece, Faith, writes in today's blog, The Life of Faith  about what it is like to work full time.  She is feeling the stress of fulling all her roles the best that she can.  I remember those days, of wanting to do it all and for God's glory!  I have no doubt that she will find a way!

Here is a poem that I wrote a long time ago when I was feeling like Faith!

Too much to do…

Lord I’m afraid of making the list

Afraid I’ll get lost in the doing

Of the that and the this

Not so bad!

I can do this today!

If I don’t waste time

There’ll be time for some play

Lord, You give me no answers

only a sense of peace

when I take time to seek you

I see an organized scheme

With You I can do this

My time is in Your hands

You are in control now

Your will is my command

All this time writing

     I’ve wasted an hour

  --- No!

I’ve just been renewed in

God’s wisdom and power

Your patience and power

Are all I need

To do all the things

I have put on my list

 Bea Skeens, 3/18/00

What do I want MORE of?

Love this!- Caroline at my house playing with shaving cream.

 One of my cousins sent these new year wishes:  "lots of money, lots of people to love you, and lots of time."  But, I already have "lots" (enough) money, lots of people that love me, and lots of time now that I am retired; I don't need more!  Don and I are so blessed to have worked for a school system that had a good retirement, and so, we don't have to worry about money.   We were able to sell our house on St. Simons and, with that money, bought a house here, near the kids (and we had a little left over for our savings.)  Don had also bought some land (with plans to build on it at some point) a long time ago.  With the money we made when we sold it, we bought the condo on St. Simons so that Julie could rent it from us while she lived and worked on SS.   Now we can go down to St. Simons whenever we want to go.  I love the beach and we go fishing together on our boat (it's for 2 maybe 3 people.)  We  didn't go down there so much this winter.  We went to Las Vegas for a week and have been busy with Christmas.  We so appreciate being able to share with our children and grands.

 

Don and I on the lifeguard chair last Summer at SSI

Don retired 2 years ago and I just retired in June and I'm loving it.  I am not a bit bored and treasure being able to divide my time doing whatever I decide to do.  In fact, some days I still feel like there is not enough time for the things I set out to do.  But then I remember that I'm retired and can continue with whatever tomorrow.  No pressure.  

Don and I are still getting used to being in the same place all the time.  He wants to know what I'm doing and I want to know what he's doing.  Then we laugh and I realize that the "doing" is not important in itself but the fact that we have a choice and act upon it; that is the treasure.

Dive into every day head first like Caroline!

I just read a blog that posed the question: "If you already had “enough” money to retire, would you work a full-time job for one more year if you could walk away with $500k from that year’s work?"  She says for herself: "I think I would regret it.  Because it probably isn’t what I’d want to be doing with my life and I would be letting life slip by, even if it was only just a year of it."  I agree.  I can't see myself living any other way.  I love my life!  And, it was fun reading all the comments!  I would definitely not go to work, but I think Don would...

It's all about Caroline today!

I think in order to continue my life as it is I would put health as number 1 for wanting more of.  That is a great gift: to have our health and that of our loved ones in order to live each day to the fullest.  My sister, Maria Luisa who has been battling cancer says at the end of her New Year's letter that describe the highlights of her year: 

"Health: So how is my health, you wonder?? Since May 2009 to Dec 2011 the big C is totally controlled – all is “stable” in CT scans every 3 months. The bones with BC metastasis will never be “healed” but as long as it doesn't spread to other bones or essential organs, I can live many more years of life to serve, to love, to enjoy family and friends like you, to rejoice in the wonder of our world, and to continue to make our earth a better place for all human beings.
Let us celebrate Christ‟s Birth every day in our hearts, and re-commit to a New Year of making God's Dream more real in our corner of the world."

Maria Luisa - left - her son and wife, with 3 grandchildren and some cousins